uh huh

so i have insomnia. i still haven't found that perfect sleeping pill with no side effects except making your boobs grow. ergo sometimes when i can't sleep i go to nexopia to check out grainy webcam photos of underaged male and female uglies. i am seriously addicted. i want to punch myself. i even made an account. well anyway there should be a point to me revealing this terrible secret, so here is a bunch of shit i've learned from teenaged fuck asses on the internet.

1. everybody loves napoleon dynamite. how do i know this? because every fucking idiot there has to make a stupid list of every movie they have ever seen in their [usually less than 15 years of] life. napoleon dynamite sucks. okay, i'll admit that despite my initial vow to never see the movie, i was peer pressured into it by a certain blonde muffed friend of mine and i did laugh a few times. but i still hate it. just because of the association. you see, i am allowed to do/eat/like/hate/say anything i want. don't vote for pedro.

2. in addition to the list of movies, there is also an abundance of the equally lame list of favourite bands.

3. people list things like body odour and other things everyone hates as dislikes. well, shit. until now i thought i was the only person who didn't like body odour. but thanks to nexopia now i know better.

4. i can't remember what i was going to write but i already typed out the number 4 so i'm not going to go back and delete it now that i've typed all this. also it makes the list look all cool and professional as if i had actually put effort into it. see look at it from far away, it's all official-like, from the desk of (mr.lady?).

conclusion: i love my friends. they make me peas and make me cd's and masticate with me and have gross illegal crushes on people and drive me places and have neat printing and stuff.
WOW IT'S 2:18.

thank you scandinavia

the other day i had a $1 breakfast from a certain swedish furniture store. and the awesome price of $1 inspired me to pretend i was homeless while masticating. i am great at multi tasking. actually, no i'm not because all i could think about was how fucking good that $1 breakfast was so i'll never really know what being homeless feels like. unless i actually become homeless. the breakfast was only $1. i don't think i made that clear enough. $1. the equivalent to 100 pennies. or 4 quarters. or 10 dimes. or 20 nickels. or 3 quarters, 2 dimes and 5 pennies. goodnight and try not to get abducted by aliens in the near future.
ONE DOLLAR!

look, it only costs $4.50

does anyone remember this game? i was never cool enough to play it back in the day when it was all the rage. i have always remained faithful to monopoly... except for those few occasions where i would have a crazy night with the game of life and wake up naked on a bathroom floor. but i do remember the commercials and how the colour scheme gave me a sore throat. i just found this picture while internetting and it all came flooding back to me how that combination of blue and pink, plus stripes and maybe even a sound effect used in the advertisement somehow caused discomfort in my esophagus. looking at it also makes me taste plastic in my mouth. i need help.

inhale another bag of cheetos, bitch

i took my picture down for a while, around the time of the fat people post because i was afraid that some fat person would read this and kill me. since then i've decided to be hardcore and put my picture back up. listen fat people, if you want to kill me, come and get me. i'm waiting bitches!
the other day i was drinking v8 (splash; regular v8 tastes like blended dead babies... not that there's anything wrong with that, i just wasn't in the mood for blended dead babies at that particular moment) and then i decided that i wanted milk since i'm such a disgusting pig and one glass of juice just isn't enough for me. i also happen to be lazy, so i didn't rinse out my glass before pouring in the milk. and the milk tasted somewhat v8-ish. it was vile. drinks that are pumped from cow nipples should never be mixed with sugar coated dead baby juice.