i'm allowed to do this

doesn't liking pearl jam just scream "HELLO, I'M GREASY"?

i made it hap'n with the cap'n

i just had a bowl of cereal with an unbelievable milk to cereal ratio. i swear to god, even to the last spoonful, the proportions were absolutely perfect. there wasn't even one dry lonely unit of cereal, nor a single drop of sugary milk left behind. and i was left with a satisfied but not disgustingly full feeling. i'm going to remember this moment forever.

plus they smell like onion pizza

what the fuck was i thinking, reorganizing the dungeons & dragons books in alphabetical order at work? that shit's like dusting in the middle of a sandstorm. except instead of a sandstorm, fucking, ugly people.

seriously

who wants to help me destroy mtv?


seriously.