have a nice day

my mom just force fed me a cantaloupe, or some other kind of melon-esque fruit. it tasted like brains.

a close shave

i changed my url due to an unfortunate mishap that occured in a government building today. i would give you the details but i don't really feel like it. so if any men in suits come to your door asking about me, just tell them i grew a beard, bleached my hair, and am on my way to mexico. thanks!
in other news: i sold out. i am re-thinking my policy of never driving. a driver's license is pretty essential in the pest removal process. except replace the word 'pest' with 'wife of obt'. i guess i'll just have to buy an electric car. people say they look pussy but those are the kinds of people that throw away recyclables when there is an appropriate receptical (i know i spelt that wrong) a reasonable distance away. they should be subjected to kiersten's sterilization rays.

i love a man who washes his hands post-urination

okay, basically the only reason i update this is for the love of my life, kiersten b. she's not my teacher so noone will be going to jail this time. anyway she mentioned 'wanting to make love to [her] cat' and i think my equivalent is constantly saying that i'm going to marry people. i don't know why i choose the word "marry" but i don't mean it literally. you can draw your own conclusions, really i don't care but kiersten knows what i mean. for future reference:

-Mr. Dart. rockin the facial hair & technicolour shirts (just kidding)
-OBT. so what if he's married? it's only a ring and a peice of paper.
-Jesus man
-Lord Durham
-E? Z? to be confirmed, as i haven't yet gotten a good view
-too embarassing to type out, also the government is watching but i'm sure you know who it is. why does he always leave that last button undone on his shirt? i guess it's cheaper than air conditioning. i can't believe i didn't mention this before: i once saw him in bicycling attire

i think i was born to be a polygamist. i wonder if i'm forgetting any authorative man figures. there's too many to keep track of. we really should start writing this stuff down.
Benylin is saving my life. i can't beleive there was once a time when i thought i would be "hardKore" (that K simply demands to be capitalized, anything else would be blasphemous) and refuse all forms of medication excluding Flintstones vitamins. i would still be living in the dark ages if it weren't for that man at the GNC vitamin store (+ your samosa). unfortunately, there remains nothing to be done about my man-voice.