dinner tonight

almonds and cough syrup. i'll wrap it in a tiny paper bag to make it go down more easily. then for dessert i'm going to crush up and snort some flintstones vitamins.

circumscribed

i hate to cash in on all the da vinci code madness, but i think it's pretty hilarious that the catholic church is shitting bricks because they think people are taking a book too seriously.

more wasami gold

alright, i know noone else is going to find this funny, because everyone is a fuckass with no sense of true humour. so this post is basically for my own reference. i came across another peice written by wasami nuto. although i enjoyed his previous work more, (which is archived somewhere on here if you're willing to hunt through two years of bloggage) i still give his review 4 stars. again spelling and grammatical errors are intentionally left uncorrected. besides, when japanese people mispell things, it's fucking art!

The absolute funniest TV series of all time!!. This box set contains all the spectactular episodes of this brilliant series about one man(?), Frank Spencer who fails at everything. It also stars Betty(Michelle Dotrice) and my favourite Columbo the dog. The first time I watched this series it is so funny I actually vomited. I'm sorry but I did.
Some of my favourite episodes are
Fathers' Clinic - where Frank goes to a clinic for expecting fathers and you can imagine the embarrassment that occurs.Christmas 75 - where some rude schoolboys question his sexuality while he's dressed up as a pixie.Scottish Dancing - my absolute favourite episode where his kilt comes off and you see his buttocks.
He destroys a super computer. He makes a psychiatrist go insane. He opens up a shaken can of beer into the face of an Australian diplomat. Cats, monkeys,etc all defacate into his hat.
He can't do anything right. This series exposes more of the British male character than any other British series. One piece of advice is not to eat anything before you watch this DVD.

-on the collectors dvd of "some mothers do 'ave 'em"

you know i put that shit in my wishlist.

i'm going to delete this in about 5 minutes

people who complain about being bored when they're on their summer break already can fucking go to hell

actually, how about anyone who complains about being bored period. i live in possibly the shittiest town in the western hemisphere and i have never, ever been truly bored, at least when i could help it. go outside. get a hobby. do some (good) drugs. or, just fucking masturbate!

precious moments

rummaging under my bed today i found the remains of some beautiful things ben and i made about three years ago (no, not babies, sadly). the ever so persistent trend of shirts with stupid sayings on them drove us to write down some of our own. the list was two pages long and still has the juice stain at the top from when a juice box exploded in my "BP", so the following is a partial list of what could be salvaged. jeff was somewhat involved but as one would expect, his contributions don't really stand out so i won't bother sharing those with you.

cheep abortions
(insert hand-drawn picture of a wire coat hanger)
931 - 1151 this happens to be the number for parkland elementary, or so ben claims

can you tell I'm wearing a tampon?

I'm the only person who UNDERSTANDS eminem

Jesus is Black
God is Irish
Satan is French

thanks to febreeze, i've worn this shirt for 2 weeks straight without washing it! can you tell?

i hate doug kooy

justin timberlake is soooo hot I know from experience dude alright lik me an him got it on whooee we made sweet sweet collect calls all nightlong p.s. can you spare me a quarter i'm aware of the spelling errors, but i left them in out of respect for the artist

this shirt is pretty good for a spray-on




okay, so maybe they weren't that great.

but not in that "mr.e" way

thinking about summer makes me wet