party at my house

i got my braces off today. this means i can eat popcorn, chew gum, and suck as much dick as i want! damn, i feel like i'm in grade 5 again...

it's my preroga-tive

i'm a proud non-owner of a cell phone. and an ipod. i also don't have a driver's license, or even a permit. i don't ever plan on learning how to drive or owning a car in the future. of course this doesn't stop me from accepting rides from people. i'm fucking king henry viii. try and stop me. owning a car is up there with getting married, crapping out children, and getting a myspace on the "shoot me if i even speak of doing these things" list. my parents insist that this is the stupidest decision i'll ever make. i disagree, i think the stupidest decision i've ever made was probably giving in to peer pressure and paying the full ticket price to boogeyman back in halloween 04 or some other year. yeah, that still tortures me. which reminds me: all of these idiots telling me i need to watch little miss sunshine can die. if there's one thing i hate it's people with fucking rancid taste trying to tell me what to watch or listen to. bitches, please. commoners expressing interest in something is a sure indication to me that it FUCKING SUCKS.

setting the record straight

i don't have any problems with jesus. from what i hear, he sounds like a pretty cool guy. actually he sounds fucking awesome. anyone who can turn water into wine and all that other stuff can be my friend. it's really just his dad that i could live without.

so there.

the best blogs are born at 2:33am

when i grow up, i don't want to get married and be happy and do all that cliche stuff. i don't want to be one of those people who gets caught saying m. night shyamalanananylam with a credit card commercial twist shit like "looking at my kids makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and like i've really accomplished something." i wake up in a cold sweat when i have those kinds of nightmares. asian fetish kyle from high school once wrote in one of those "things i want to do before i die" lists that he would like to kill the pope. you know i can't compete with that. my equivalent, i think, would be to own one of those trucks with a roller rink inside. with fake wood wallpaper. many an illegitimate child would be conceived in this vehicle of dreams. just thinking about it gives me butterflies in my stomach.

man, i can't believe i thought i'd quit the internet forever.